


Felis catus

by lyrium addict (quirky_turtle)



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Jealous Garrus Vakarian, Pack Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:52:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25869229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quirky_turtle/pseuds/lyrium%20addict
Summary: After finding a cat aboard the Normandy, Garrus finds another peculiarity with humans.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 6
Kudos: 98





	Felis catus

The problem started with a stowaway. After departing from the Citadel, some of the crew complained about hearing a noise at night. Almost like a terrible yowling. 

Shepard, of course, immediately volunteered to go and figure out where the noise was coming from. 

Garrus, of course, immediately insisted he go with her. 

That’s how the two found themselves below deck, flashlights and weapons raised. They swept the area. 

A deep growl was heard from behind some crates. 

“I know that sound…” Shepard murmured. 

Before Garrus could ask what she meant, he heard a loud yowl and felt something run at his legs. He yelped in surprise and fell over. His assailant was a fairly round, orange fuzzball. 

As he scrambled away from the creature, Shepard laughed and scooped it up. She began to  _ coo _ at it?

“What is that?” Garrus asked.

“It’s just a cat, Garrus.” she rolled her eyes, soothing the creature. 

“It attacked me!” he replied, indignant.

“It didn’t even scratch you.” she checking the cat over, “He was just playing.” 

“Playing?” Garrus squawked.

She turned to the cat, scratching one of its ears, “You were just playing with Garrus, weren’t you big boy?” 

The cat began to make another noise, a deep rumbling noise. 

“Be careful, Shepard!” Garrus warned. 

“He’s purring, Garrus. It means he’s happy!” 

“How can you possibly know that?” he asked. 

“I’ve had a cat before.” she shrugged, carrying the cat up the stairs. 

Garrus stared on in confusion. What does she mean by “ _ had a cat” _ ?

~*~*~*~*~

Over the next few days, Garrus observed as the crew fawned over the creature- over “ _ Tank _ ” as they corrected him. Tank roamed about the deck as if it were his kingdom. The humans allowed this to happen, and in fact they encouraged it.

Worst of all was Shepard. At their next port, she purchased food and toys for Tank. She would pick him up and carry him as if he were a baby. All 20 pounds of him. She cooed at him and scratched behind his ear. 

“I don’t get it.” Garrus shook his head, watching as some off-duty crew entertained themselves by watching Tank chase a red dot. 

“Don’t get what?” Liara asked as she ate her rations. 

Garrus gestured over to the group wordlessly. 

“They are pack bonding.” Liara replied with a shrug. 

“What?” Garrus asked, taking a bite of his dextro-rations. 

“Humans have a tendency to form bonds with almost anything they interact with. They are known to keep certain animals in their houses as companions.” 

“Why would they do that?” Garrus tilted his head. 

Just then, a chorus of laughter could be heard from the group surrounding Tank. 

“It makes them happy.” she stood once she finished her food, “Remember, humans were such a lonely species for a very long time.” 

Garrus nodded as he cleaned up his plate. He checked his omni-tool. Shepard was expecting him soon. 

He made his way over to the elevator. As he waited for the doors to open, he felt something brush against his legs. A quick look down confirmed his suspicions. It was Tank. 

“Go away.” he whispered, “I’m going to see Shepard.” 

“Mrrrr!” Tank trilled. 

“I have no idea what that means.” Garrus sighed. 

Just then, the door opened. Before Garrus could even step inside, Tank trotted in and sat in the corner. 

“Just great.” Garrus huffed as he took a step inside and pressed the button to Shepard’s cabin. 

“Mrrrr.” Tank replied. 

~*~*~*~*~

When they got up to Shepard’s cabin, Garrus punched in the code and the door opened. Tank immediately ran through to find Shepard. 

_ So much for some alone time. _ Garrus relented. 

Garrus stepped in and saw Shepard holding Tank and scratching his belly. 

“My two favorite boys!” Shepard smiled before leaning forward to kiss Garrus’ cheek. 

“But I’m your most favorite, right?” Garrus asked before taking a seat on the couch. 

Shepard only smiled and set Tank down on the floor. She took the seat next to him.

“Sure.” she cuddled into his side, “What did you bring me?”

Garrus wrapped one arm around her, “That depends. Romance or comedy?”

“Comedy, definitely.” Shepard grinned. 

Garrus set up a vid of ‘Call Me Sally’, and they both settled in to watch. Tank seemed to settle into the small bed that Shepard had purchased for him.

Garrus couldn’t argue with this arrangement.

~*~*~*~*~

Until the time came and they went to bed. 

Garrus rolled onto his side and pulled Shepard into his arms. Together they settled into the peaceful darkness. They almost fell asleep like that. 

Until Tank jumped up with a loud meow. 

“Spirits!” Garrus jumped in surprise.

Shepard only chuckled and scratched his ear as he settled into the space by her shoulder. 

Garrus was about to complain, but then the cat started to lick Shepard’s cheek. Shepard winced slightly. 

“Does that hurt?” Garrus asked, confused. 

“It feels like sandpaper on my skin.” Shepard replied, but made no move to push Tank away. 

“And you’re letting this happen, because…” he trailed off. 

“It’s how he shows me he loves me.” Shepard explained, “If I pushed him away every time, it would hurt his feelings.” 

After a few more licks, Shepard gently redirected Tank’s attention by nuzzling his head. Tank responded by nuzzling into her cheek. Eventually, Tank pressed his forehead against Shepard’s and she leaned into the touch. 

“Garrus, are you growling?” Shepard asked, pulling away from the cat. 

“No.” he cleared his throat, while glaring daggers at the cat. 

Shepard raised an eyebrow and turned to face Garrus. Tank yawned and stretched, claiming his spot on Shepard’s pillow. 

“You’re jealous of Tank.” she gasped, a grin forming over her features. 

Garrus internally cursed, “That’s ridiculous.” 

“You know…” Shepard rolled over to face Garrus, “Cats claim things by scent. They rub up against things to leave their smell on them.” 

Without thinking, Garrus sniffed at Shepard and scowled. She smelled like the cat.

“I knew it!” Shepard laughed loudly, rolling over and disturbing Tank. The cat groaned before jumping off the bed. 

“Alright, so maybe I’m jealous of it.” he glowered, “How do you know all those things about cats?” 

Shepard shrugged, “I love cats. So I guess I just learned what their body language meant. That way I can show them I love them in a way they understand. It’s a bit of a pattern, really.” 

Shepard leaned in and pressed her forehead against Garrus’. He closed his eyes and sighed at the contact. He felt her hand come up to stroke his fringe as she hummed low, imitating Turian subvocals. All the gestures she learned early in their relationship. 

“I’m not sure if I should feel insulted.” he murmured, too at ease to actually fight with her. 

“It’s not my fault humans are extremely social.” he could hear the smile in her voice. 

“Hmmm…” Garrus inhaled and grimaced, “You still smell like it.” 

Shepard laughed quietly, “You can fix that, if you want.”” 

Garrus opened his eyes and immediately rolled them over, pinning her to the bed. He gently rubbed his cheek against hers. 

“Fine by me.” he whispered into her ear. 

~*~*~*~*~

Tank trotted over to the door and sat. 

“Mreow.” he announced loudly. 

“Would you like me to summon the elevator for you?” EDI’s voice responded.

“Mreow.” he replied. 

“Right away, Mr. Tank.” EDI signed off and the elevator door opened. 

Tank trotted inside. His favorite person seemed to be busy. Maybe he could find someone else and get them to feed him some extra treats. 


End file.
